tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post3362314432386475202..comments2024-03-11T07:25:29.540+00:00Comments on Nicola Vincent-Abnett: The Kids are All Right...Nicola Vincent-Abnetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04865608045342419682noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-75910848440567031742013-08-06T08:11:22.598+01:002013-08-06T08:11:22.598+01:00schools & parents are tasked with preparing ch...schools & parents are tasked with preparing children for life in the big bad world. As you say consequences are often disproportionate, unfair, biased in their application, etc. I prefer to see boundaries teaching not just obedience, but how to disobey selectively, discreetly & intelligently!Dukeletohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14128661146578810674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-26676303688283346722013-08-02T05:03:45.611+01:002013-08-02T05:03:45.611+01:00I should add that this is in the aid of bringing c...I should add that this is in the aid of bringing common sense and fairness back to our daily lives, not seeking special treatment or letting kids get away with murder.Jaxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16562976550105716407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-16843231259656063192013-08-02T04:16:58.523+01:002013-08-02T04:16:58.523+01:00I won't argue that the girl in question didn&#...I won't argue that the girl in question didn't deserve her punishment, but I will argue that a great many rules imposed on us as schoolchildren, customers, and citizens are wrongheaded and arbitrary. All too often these rules are a result of one bad apple ruining something for the rest of us, have disproportionate consequences, and are enforced by biased "authorities." I am going to have a lot of trouble with my future child's schools because I will teach him/her to recognize injustice and try to take civil action. I will teach him/her that rules are to be followed, no matter how stupid, but one doesn't have to just say "Oh well, that's the system," and take it lying down.Jaxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16562976550105716407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-15387925641428185032013-07-31T10:37:13.270+01:002013-07-31T10:37:13.270+01:00Nice point, well made. Thank you.Nice point, well made. Thank you.Nicola Vincent-Abnetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04865608045342419682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-15970574067356733702013-07-31T10:17:36.861+01:002013-07-31T10:17:36.861+01:00imho (i.e. rant alert. RUN! RUNAWAYY!), the idea o...imho (i.e. rant alert. RUN! RUNAWAYY!), the idea of signing an agreement to say you won't break the rules (and thus the agreement) seems a little "fucked" to me.<br /><br />"I hereby promise not to break the rules, and to be sure, let me also promise not to break that promise." kinda like asking someone if they're telling the truth, isn't it?<br /><br />I for one wouldn't send my kid on anything that required me to sign a piece of paper stating that something that might happen won't happen. the idea itself is ridiculous, and sounds like synchronised denial. given that it might happen, I'd say it MIGHT HAPPEN and no wishful thinking or signing a statement that says it that it won't, when it might, is going to change the probability either way.<br /><br />I couldn't count the amount of things I've been told not to do that I went and did anyway because I thought I knew better. I was a kid, from the moment we start thinking for ourselves we're expected to do just that AND obey all the rules as if somehow these two things are one and the same. uh, hell no!?<br /><br />I'd argue that parents are there to help us when we fuck up as much as they are to try and prevent us from fucking up in the first place, BUT! (and it's a big one) fucking up is what being a kid is all about.<br /><br />sure, there are plenty of lessons you shouldn't learn, and I can understand the need to prevent these from occurring, I don't think that "behaviour" is something that can be signed away, or should be in the case of children.<br /><br />imagine trying to get your kids to sign a "good childhood bond" that said they had to do everything right or be shot dead. you think they aren't gonna do something wrong? you can almost guarantee it.<br /><br />now I'm not saying there's no point in trying to get kids to do shit, quite the reverse, I'm just saying recognise it for what it is:<br /><br />most of the time when you lay out these "rules" what you are in fact doing is providing a narrative of the future. you're essentially saying "X is what will happen, if you do Y". this chaining of consequence to action is a very simplistic form of conditioning, but simplistic forms of conditioning can be terribly effective, just look at domestic animals. by all means say "don't do X or Y will happen" but then every parent can count on their hands the amount of times that their child did anyway, because they couldn't appreciate the consequence until they'd experienced it, and in some cases, more than once.<br /><br />it's worth remembering that unlike us, kids don't have this pre-existing memory file of experiences to remind them why ... because they spend their early life building that very memory file. if anything the important part of the rules is the part where it's clear their behaviour, their choices determine how things proceed, and thus the responsibility is on them. you start waving that away, you wave away any consequences with it.<br /><br />so by all means, write rules, punish wrongs, but more importantly, teach the relationship between actions and consequences, that taking responsibility moulds the behaviour. remember that moulding behaviour is the purpose of the rules in the first place, not just obedience for obedience sake, which unfortunately history has shown us, isn't about awareness or learning as much as it is about ... *drumroll please* meeting expectations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-76098308711325936042013-07-30T14:01:58.156+01:002013-07-30T14:01:58.156+01:00"SUCK IT UP!"
This is my constant refra..."SUCK IT UP!"<br /><br />This is my constant refrain when Connor comes home from school after another bit of drama with a member of the teaching establishment. Connor is intelligent, opinionated and stubborn. I like, admire and encourage these traits but sometimes they do not serve him well at school. Just because he CAN argue his point when he perceives he has been wronged by The Man does not mean that he should. <br /><br />"SUCK IT UP!"<br /><br />"CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES!" This is my second piece of advice. A school rule, no matter how apparently petty, arbitrary or unfair, is still a rule. At school, The Man makes the rules. Don't argue with The Man. If The Man IS being unfair then the correct response is "Yes Sir/Miss." In this situation, the less Connor says, the happier I am. A teacher's perception of you is, rightly or wrongly, incredibly important and can actively help or hinder your chance of a decent education. I always tell him that if he is actually being treated unfairly then I will be on my way to see the Head Teacher the very next day. In the meantime....<br /><br />"SUCK IT UP"<br /><br />And don't forget....<br /><br />"CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES!"<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-56314163883342841302013-07-30T11:14:58.893+01:002013-07-30T11:14:58.893+01:00Missed the story but as usual I find myself in tot...Missed the story but as usual I find myself in total agreement with you Ma'am. This is precisely the kind of issue that contributes to the mess we find ourselves in at times with kids. They're so used to being told that things aren't their fault and that someone else is to blame that they literally believe it. Then when those kids have kids...well, you can see the downward spiral...Greghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11707862837149116020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-52478099894845238912013-07-30T11:01:20.464+01:002013-07-30T11:01:20.464+01:00My main thought was 'good on the school for en...My main thought was 'good on the school for enforcing the rules they'd set'. Tracinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-62535780822578679402013-07-30T11:01:14.138+01:002013-07-30T11:01:14.138+01:00OK, I can't resist one example.
My "neph...OK, I can't resist one example.<br /><br />My "nephew" broke an ornament at school and a bill was sent home for it. His mum's response?<br /><br />"Why should I pay for it? It's only a crappy £2.99 thing from Lidl, and it's a school! They shouldn't have ornaments anyway!"<br /><br />Alechttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16771105054014157172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6477143695543382552.post-45857924002959076472013-07-30T10:58:28.409+01:002013-07-30T10:58:28.409+01:00Far from unpopular, I think I love you a little bi...Far from unpopular, I think I love you a little bit. <br /><br />I'm sure "kids were being kids" because it's in a child's nature to test their boundaries and, when they do, it's a parent's job to exact the precise consequences promised, to remain consistent and teach them some damn respect. <br /><br />"It's only a Kit-Kat," "It's only a Freddo." Frankly, if a hotel guest's child dropped a Freddo and it melted into the carpet, I'd damn well expect their parents to pay for the cleaning, and I'm sure this was what was in the teachers' minds when the bond was written up.<br /><br />Hope they remain proud of the little cow they're raising.Alechttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16771105054014157172noreply@blogger.com