I don’t know whether you want to read some sort of apology or explanation after my long absence from what used to be an almost daily blog; I’m not sure I can adequately explain what’s been happening or why, either to myself or to all of you, and I’m not sure whether I should even try.
Honestly, part of me wants to draw a veil over the past few weeks, months... even the past year or two, but life doesn’t really work like that.
I have taken a tumble. I have been out of the World. My life has been so much in the grip of circumstance and of other people’s influences and of the way my own head works that some things have gone by the wayside and others have filled my time in strange new ways.
This has all been a learning curve, one of the biggest and most extraordinary of my life, which comes as something of a surprise when it comes so late.
I remember first realising that I was separate and different, and how very peculiar that made me in a world where everybody else seemed so remarkably alike. I was a toddler and it was the first time I felt alone. This experience has been a little like that.
Today is the last day of 2013. Tomorrow, I plan to reenter the World as nearly as I can. It won’t all happen on one day, and the transition back won’t always be easy. I hope to come back stronger than before. If there was any chance of it, I’d give a little of almost anything to come back wiser, but you’ve born with my foolishness before, often and with good humour, so I’m sure you’ll forgive any future lapses in judgement.
I haven’t been saving up blog ideas, and I haven’t written a single blog since the last one I published so it might take me a little while to get back into the full swing of things, but I hope you’ll come back once in a while and join in whenever you read something you think worth responding to.
On the whole, I tend to be the sort of person who is sorry to say goodbye. I generally don’t celebrate the New Year coming so much as shed a tear over the passing of the old one. With only a few hours to go, I will not be sorry to see the back of 2013; it was a beast and it has left carnage in its wake. I plan to bury the last remaining bones tonight, drink a toast or two and look forward to a brighter dawn tomorrow.
I hope you’ll all join me.