Yes, I know that I haven’t been here for a while. In fact, this is my longest absence since starting my blog over 200 days ago.
I didn’t know it was going to happen like this. I didn’t know I’d feel this way.
In most instances, it’s possible to put something personal on one side and do other things, especially when it comes to the work. That’s almost what work is for. When things are difficult or dull, or worrying, the work takes me away from them. I can immerse myself in a story, escape from the world, and things are better for a little while.
As it happens, a blog isn’t really like that. A blog... This blog, is more like a diary, more personal, more involving. This is where I come with the things that occupy my mind. This is where I come when I want to get something off my chest.
So, when Saturday came around and I got very emotional this is where I should have brought those feelings, right?
Saturday was somehow bigger than that.
I knew that my younger daughter leaving home would be painful, despite the fact that she was ready and happy to go, and despite the fact that she belongs out in the world, making her mark on it, making it a more wonderful place for all of us.
I simply did not know how bereft I would feel.
Work does not make it better, and writing about it here does not make it go away, even for a moment; it only reminds me of the loss that I feel.
I’m a lucky, lucky woman. Being paid to write, to do what I love, is a pleasure and a privilege, but, trust me, right now, I’d give it all up for the chance to raise a couple more kids.
If you haven’t done it yet, or if you’re in the process, bringing up your children is the best, most rewarding job you will ever do. There are no performance reviews or bonuses payments along the way, and I never got a promotion, so it wasn’t always easy to assess how well I was doing, but if the daughter’s anything to go by, I had a pretty successful career as a parent.
It helped that I had great material to work with.
This is the daughter in one of her very many silly moments
(I used her face for the cover of "Prom Queen" (above) too, although I believe there was 'pocket money' involved.)