Nicola Vincent-Abnett

Nicola Vincent-Abnett
"Savant" for Solaris, Wild's End, Further Associates of Sherlock Holms, more Wild's End

Monday 26 September 2016

The Cost of being Female

It isn’t news that women are penalised in our society, simply for being women.

I write about this all the time.

A young woman of my acquaintance went for an evening out, about a month ago. She paid to park her car in a facility close to where she was heading, and met up with her friends. This was an urban carpark, so the maximum time allowed for parking was three hours.

This is a sensible young woman, who is aware of her own safety. She chose the carpark, because it was very close to her destination, and it was well-lit and felt safe.

Three hours later, the woman left to go home. She had to wait for a friend to accompany her back to the car, because it was late, and she didn’t want to risk the walk on her own, even though it was a relatively short distance. It’s exactly what I would have done. It’s exactly what women should do, and have to do, because of the society we live in.

Solutions?! I don't think so.
A few days later, this young woman got a parking fine charge notice in the post. She was over her allotted, paid for parking time by a matter of a few minutes. She was late, because she had waited for her friend.

Rules are rules, of course they are, but there’s also good, old-fashioned, common sense.

Men, for the most part, don’t worry about walking around at night, or how close to park their cars to a venue. Women do think about those things.

This young woman is a student. She's grateful to have her little car, and she budgets her money, carefully. The parking charge was £54.

I suggested that she appeal the charge, explaining how she came to be late back to her car. I thought there was a chance that some leniency might be shown.

Perhaps that was naive of me… Of course the company didn’t waive her fine. It’s in the business of making money, after all.

My problem is that this has now set a precedent. 

What happens the next time this young woman is stuck with a choice of waiting for someone to walk her back to her car and incurring a fine, or taking the risk of leaving alone, and walking around late at night without the security of company?

She can’t afford £54 for a parking fine, so I doubt she’ll risk getting another one.

In this particular instance, she couldn’t have paid for more parking, because the allowed stay was capped.

So… this young woman will have to make different choices. She’ll have to park where stay-times aren’t capped. She’ll have to walk around alone at night, or, perhaps, she’ll have to choose not to go out.

Life shouldn’t be like this for anyone, but it’s precisely like this for more than half the population… Go figure.


  1. This exchange on Twitter, and I'm not engaging, but talk about face-palm moment...

    HIM: That blog is litterally asking for special treatment due to sex. Not trying to put you down, I just strongly disagree.

    ME: And that's fine, but, by definition, in our society, men get special treatment by default.

    HIM: In what way do men get special treatment?

    1. "In what way do men get special treatment?"

      You know, I think that is actually cute. I can picture him with his big eyes wide open, wondering what you mean XD

  2. Where does one even begin to answer such an ignorant question?

    1. Well perhaps you should. By all means enlighten me. You didnt on twitter, instead opting to make snyde remarks here, perhaps thinking I wouldnt check back. This is why I cant support feminists, every time they are questioned on their opinions they act as though its an attack on them. Perhaps feminism is just code for sexist.

    2. And now you're angry. That isn't surprising.

      You might think my comments snide, but had it been my intention to embarrass or humiliate you, I would have given your twitter handle, instead of deleting it. You remain anonymous, by your own choosing.

      I generally don't engage with anonymous commenters. My name and face are on this blog; it's my space, and I hold the floor. I honestly didn't think about your checking back. I had no problem with you seeing my comments, since they are honest.

      If you can live in the First World, read the papers, hear the arguments, and know women, then there should be absolutely no need for me to 'enlighten' you... It's a wonder to me that you aren't already enlightened.

      Here's a blog I wrote a while ago that you might want to read:

  3. So basically what you are saying is, you have nothing to back it up with. I am not fearful of what your wanabe feminazi followers might do with my twitter, but mind you that shit works both ways.
    Your blog, is posted for the public and linked to the twitter you share with Dan, the world famous author. So you are bound to get traffic by riding his coat tails.

    Now as for men and your mythical special treatment: Who usually gets custody of the children after a divorce? Who wasn't eligible for the draft till this year? Who can claim rape without evidence? Who can stay home to take care of the children while their spouse works without scorn? Women, thats who.
    Now in your blog post, you are saying this girl shouldn't have to pay a parking fine because she didn't feel safe walking alone back to her car. None of the options you could think of involved her taking responsibility for herself and leaving her gathering earlier to nmake it to her car on time. Instead its "ohhh she is punished for being a woman." Boooo fucking hoooo.
    Now that I am done with my trolling
    I welcome a discussion with you. I will keep posting with this non-name because you already know who I am.

  4. Has he said "feminazi"? And he is still wondering why you don't try to educate him?

  5. Greg wrote this on my FaceBook page, so I'm copying it here.

    I think what you'll find she is saying is that there is such an avalanche of the 'evidence' that you feel able to demand that its difficult to pluck just one from the air. Women being murdered for not being interested in a man, women being murdered for trying to leave their husband (and then being quietly erased from the news coverage afterward), women being murdered for 'dishonouring' their families by men who then openly brag about what they have done. That's three examples off the top of my head of stories in the news in the last six months. Women in advertising and marketing are treated like pieces of meat, draped semi-naked across cars, beer bottles, meat products or whatever else it is that is being advertised. Come to me the day that Cosmo or Elle have an oily man in budgie smugglers bent into an awkward pose with his arse, nipples and penis just a hairs breadth from being on full display, fully pouting as he advertises Tampax or Babycham and then we will maybe have the basis of a conversation where men *don't* get special treatment as opposed to women.

    You see that first sentence of yours? That bit where you say you don't mind what 'wanabe feminazis' do to your twitter, but 'that shit works both ways'. That's called a threat. You're comfortable in making that threat because you're comfortable in how much more power you have than any woman who dares challenge you. They can 'attack' you online and you don't care, because you're a man, and you can just totally go scorched earth on them and humiliate them into silence because of your big tough manliness. Leaving aside that you used the word 'feminazi' which automatically disqualifies you from being taken seriously because a) it's a made up word which really says 'I have no cogent point to make' and b) it compares women who disagree with you to NAZIS which is just dumb. It's interesting that you perceive Nik as 'riding Dan's coat tails' - the thought never even occurring to you that perhaps, in an equal partnership between a man and a woman, both share the load of promoting his career and output. But then, given the breathtaking misogyny on display in your opening line, it's not suprising.

  6. More of Greg's comment:

    Your list of reasons why 'men don' have it better' is depressing in how predictable (and wrong-headed) it is. Custody of children after a divorce isn't an indicator that women are favoured, it's an indicator that the presumption is always that the man will have to work full time and the woman will probably get away with no. It's a tacit admission by society that women just aren't expected to want to work or have a career, and that the best jobs for them will always be the menial, part-time ones. Being eligible for the draft is a ludicrous argument - men start wars, men have run the military for the last two hundred odd years of your country's existence (I guess that you can only be American) and those same men shaped laws that said women were 'not able' to be in combat, probably because of their delicate man soldiers being unable to control themselves around scary women and maybe feeling compelled to rape them because, well duh, they're right there being all womanly and stuff. It's the same logic that kept gays out of the military for so long, and it indicates less a special treatment and more a condescending agreement among the men who run things that women just aren't right for the military. As for 'claiming rape without evidence'. Well, you are 'technically' correct in that ANYONE can claim anything without evidence (a fact that keeps David Eicke in work perpetually) but I think what you *mean* is that women can accuse men and drag them through the courts with no evidence. Now, that just isn't true. Rape convictions are historically woefully low, precisely because it is difficult to objectively *prove* in many cases that a rape has taken place (because most rapes are in social situations or by friends or even ex lovers, and not the violent back-alley knife to the throat job beloved of hollywood). Add in the ridiculously low punishments that tend to be meted out to convicted rapists (Brock Turner got six months of which he served three for literally raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, witnessed and chased down by two other students) and it's hard to see this weird free rape meal ticket that you seem to think women enjoy so much. And staying at home looking after the kids? Really? That's your argument? That men might get their big manly feelings hurt by being mocked for doing so? Ok...

  7. Greg's comment continued:

    In the blog post, Nik says that she advised the young lady in question to write to the company and explain that there were extenuating circumstances. This isn't an unusual thing - many people do this with parking fines and sometimes it works. Your assumption that the young woman is at fault for not having left the party earlier kind of illustrates your whole issue - the woman must be to blame. It can't be that it's UNFAIR to simply expect a woman to deal with the reality that she is statistically more likely to be attacked walking alone at night by structuring her life around leaving things early, always being with people, never getting drunk in public etc. That's just 'fair dos' to you, because you don't see a problem. You're a dude, you don't have that dread of being raped while you walk down the street, of being run over by a woman who cat calls you and you ignore. And that's the issue.

    And then, having spewed forth your bile about how Nik is just 'riding the coat tails' of her famous hubby, and how women basically need to get over it because they get all the cool stuff like looking after kids and not being called up for war and looking after kids, you add the final nail of condescension into the coffin of your ignorance by announcing that now you've got all your 'trolling' out of your system, you're ready and willing to discuss this matter with Nik. Well, isn't she a lucky girl? Gosh, to have merited the attention of Sir after Sir has finished educating her in how men are so much worse off than women with all their childminding and rape claims? I bet she's positively aglow.

    She won't engage with you, and I don't blame her. I probably shouldn't, but as a man myself, it physically pains me to see such ignorance on display, and not only on display, but declared with such pride.

  8. so you defer to a man eh? Also I like how HE went right to three examples from third world nations (I guess it could be the UK since you let it go to shit).
    To be honest, I glossed over the post, its nothing new, just stale opinion. Women treated like meat for marketing blah blah! That says more about women habing an advantage over men than anything "oh look I will buy this car because a pretty girl is standing next to it!"
    Ohhhhh and btw....posting what someone else posted because you "wont engage" is infact engaging.

    ...and yeah btw made the threat first! But oh no I MIGHT be a man on the other end of twitter so I have "more power" than a female keyboard komando.

    Again I cant take feminist seriously for this EXACT kind of thing. You pretend we are equal but want special treatment, a different set of rules. You pretend you are too good to "engage," yet here we are again.

    Mostly Im just pissed off to find faggy feminist bullshit in my feed because I followed an author I like.

    1. Um, she wasn't 'deferring' to a man, if anything she was helping me out because of my lack of technical nous preventing me from posting the full reply here myself.

      Those three examples? One from the US, one from Eire. But sure, I guess they are third world countries if you say so.

      That you 'glossed over' the post doesn't surprise me, engaging with it would require you to maybe actually examine your own beliefs, maybe even change your mind. Neither of these seem to come easily to men like you.

      As for Nik 'threatening you first', the only thing she seems to have threatened is your ego, and from where I am standing, that ain't all that difficult to do.

      Nik didn't engage you, because she's older and wiser. I am neither, and men like you need to be challenged, lest you mistake silence from your fellow men as acceptance - or worse endorsement - of your backwards facing, oddball bullshit.

      And the fact that you think 'faggy' is some sort of cutting riposte or insult to be slung at a man who doesn't subscribe enthusiastically to your neanderthal view of the world says everything that anyone could ever need to know about you. As to that author you like, I can promise you that he feels nothing but disdain and pity for just how ridiculous you are.

      But it's ok, I'm sure you, Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters will enjoy a long (if not fruitful) life together.

      Peace out


    2. You sir are a coward. I find the evidence in everything you have posted. All SJW's are.
      Your friend, attempted to make a threat when she implied she would sick her fellow feminazis on me, hence "that shit works both ways."
      So since those exmples happened in real countries, care to tell me where the bad guy in the stories came from? Was it a third world shit hole country?
      Now back to the initial posting, she litteraly argued that women need special treatment when they get fines for parking, because they might FEEL uncomfortable walkng back to their cars. Am I the only one that sees that as idiotic?
      As for my author, I dont reallygive a shit what he thinks, he writes scifi for a living.
      Just as an FYI in my other free time I help a non-profit track and disrupt human trafficking/sex slavery. I guess that makes me the feminist and you the faker. Faggot.

    3. Hi Anonymous, I'm also a coward as funnily enough posting under my real name is a lot more cowardly than a) posting under an anonymous banner on here and b) posting under a pseudonym on twitter and your rationale behind that is 'because you know already who i am' is your next line 'you'll never see me coming' because if it isn't, I'm going to be very disappointed in you, well actually i won't be disappointed in you, because the contempt if feel for you and your ilk with your narrow minded view of the world. I'm sure Greg in all of his faggoty fakishness will be crying salty tears of grief into his wife's bosom at the fact you've attacking him from you moral high ground.

      As for the parking thing, women don't NEED special treatment, men NEED to stop acting in such ways that women feel vulnerable and threatened, even if the threats never come to pass, this is the fault of the society we live in which perpetuates the visions that women are not meant to be treated as equal humans, that they are objects for men to use and abuse at their leisure.

      You and your attitude are everything that is wrong with the world in this day and age, you're mysoginstic, racist (alluding to third world countries as being more prevalent to raping than other countries), homophobic and ill-informed. Here's a fact, it's MEN who are statistically shown to rape, murder, inflict violence on not just women, but men as well, and that's irrespective of creed, colour, race, religion or any sort of pigeonhole you'd like to make, men make women fear with they actions and their words, and if you can't see that is wrong, if you can't see that a women shouldn't HAVE to feel afraid of walking back to her car at night, then you ARE a fucking idiot.

    4. Furthermore, neither myself, nor i suspect Greg will wake up screaming in the night for being called SWJ's because you know fighting against inequality is just bad isn't it, makes you all weak and squishy.

    5. so what your post tells me, is that you are too stupid to read the thread."You know who I am" means just that. Nik, knows who I am.

    6. and that's the best response you tiny little brain can work out.................wellity wellity wellity, this is going to be interesting isn't it.

  9. Ok, I'm a coward. You carry on there.

    In the examples given the Eire murder was done by a native Irishman and the US case was a homegrown American I'm afraid, but thanks for playing. It's good to know that you view third world countries as 'shitholes', which coincidentally is how I view your mouth.

    The argument - which I remain unsurprised you cannot grasp - was that it's a bit of a shitty world we live in where a young woman has to make these sorts of choices due to facts outside their control. Like men who think that access to a woman's body is something they just get as a right. You know, like the traffickers you claim to help stop.

    I'm glad you don't give a shit what Dan thinks of you, because that was really going to keep me up at night.

    As far as you being a champion of feminism because you work with an organisation which disrupts sex slavery and trafficking, good for you. Not sure why it has to be some sort of contest where your virtue signalling of that (and believe me, that's exactly what you're doing there) makes you some unassailable man god and me a 'faker' but I won't worry about it too much because again, you think that 'faggot' is a name to call someone instead of a tasty meat dish from my homeland.

    Oh and it's LUPERCAL by the way. What the hell is Luperical? I mean if you're going to name your twitter account after a sci fi character and drape his pic on your profile like a moody teenager, at least spell his name right.


  10. Lol. Why so angry there bub? It's almost like I got under your skin, though I'm sure there's no way a silly White Knight like me could do that, from the comfort of my echo chamber.


  11. Dude I got all day.
    I killed a man about ten years ago in Afghanistan. First one, not my last. At night, I know the horrors that walk in the shadows, sometimes I am the horror. BUT then some pussy comes along and says its wrong for a woman to be made to feel unsafe...nigga thats the world!
    Now pay my parking fines!


    ps Liam you are not important

  12. Oh wow, you killed a man??!! Well that's me super impressed. You're so dark and edgy and I'm so boring and normal. If only I could be a real manly man like you.

    Just because you've taken a life (or several) doesn't grant you some great wisdom and insight into the universe, dude. All it really means is that you've worked out how to pull a trigger or which end of a knife is the sharp end. Check out how many toddlers kill people in the US with guns year on year. Congrats, you've levelled up to be equal with a child.


    1. Wow I guess the point of that went waaaaaaaay over your small head. Point being I have seen the bad things in the world.
      And before you go talking about American crime, you and the other subjects should look in that mirror. Per capita the Uk has a violent crime rate that rivals Somalia....and you arent even oermitted to defend yourselves

  13. Oh no, hitting me where it hurts, the smallness of my head. Please. Stop. No more. I concede etc.

    I got the point you melodramatic overgrown child - you've seen 'the darkness at the heart of all things.' And if we lived in a Tolkien novel, perhaps I'd be impressed as this revelation. As it stands, I'll settle for amused.

    Also, I apologise if your oh so fragile sense of national pride was hurt by little old me and my allusion to the ridiculous state of gun crime in your little former colony. We may have a lot of violent crime (though I doubt it equals Somalia) but you know how many school shooting massacres we've had in my lifetime? One. The same number as seem to occur in the average week in America. But please, as you stand on the brink of electing an overgrown serial bankrupt manchild with inclinations towards incest to be your world leader, remind me again how your country is oh so superior to everyone else.

    And I don't drink Whiskey. Nor am I a homosexual, so please, stop flirting with me.