Nicola Vincent-Abnett

Nicola Vincent-Abnett
"Savant" for Solaris, Wild's End, Further Associates of Sherlock Holms, more Wild's End

Thursday 2 August 2012


I find myself dwelling on things that I should probably leave alone, that it is not useful for me to think about, that it is not useful for me to punish myself with.
I do not have the power to change everything. I don’t even have the power to change all of the things that directly impact on me, if only because I cannot summon the will to change them.
Time and tide beat on, and I find that I do not change as much as I would like. I am still the sad, willful, nineteen year old girl who thrashed about in the undergrowth and couldn’t see the wood for the trees. I am still lazy and opinionated. I am still bullish and intolerant. I am still capricious and contradictory.
I thought I would be different, and I am not. Perhaps I am not different because I did not try hard enough to be different. If that’s the case, as usual, I have only myself to blame.
Today, I am overwhelmed.
I know that this too shall pass. 
I long for this to pass.
From time to time, I write this sort of thing. Then, I backspace over the words and consign them to oblivion. Like you, I do not expose myself in this way. Like you, I do not expose the extremes of my personality. Like you, I do not expose my vulnerabilities, for fear that I will be judged and found wanting, even when I judge and find myself wanting. We constantly hide from each other. 
Just this once, I’ve decided to stand naked before you.
I feel vulnerable, but I know that this too shall pass.
I make no special claims for my creativity or for my mental health status. I am the same as you. I experience the same range of human emotions that you experience. Sometimes it is simply more than I can bear, just as, sometimes, I know that it is more than you can bear. 
Sometimes it is simply too much.


  1. Sometimes, to be naked, vulnerable and overwhelmed is to be completely human. And, just a bit great. Never backspace...just write a more complete draft.

  2. Sometimes it is too much to bear.
    We stand open and honest and this gives others the idea that it's open season on our soul and take the chance to have a dig.