Nicola Vincent-Abnett

Nicola Vincent-Abnett
"Savant" for Solaris, Wild's End, Further Associates of Sherlock Holms, more Wild's End

Sunday 2 March 2014

Ignorance is Boobs

The internet is a wonderful thing.

I use it a lot.

I am a quick study for most research purposes when it comes to writing. I like to skim the surface for incidentals. Once in a while, if I want to do in-depth research, I find a good book by a reliable source on a subject, and I study it thoroughly, but, for the most part, Wiki, or various random websites, cross-checked, naturally, will do the job for me.

I regularly put key search words into Google, hit return and scroll down for likely websites. I generally get what I’m looking for within seconds and move on fast.

I don’t necessarily think of myself as a visual person, but I suppose I must be. I have half of a Fine Art degree after all. I know it sounds weird, but I broke off my studies when the husband began having seizures four years ago and couldn’t be left alone. I never went back. I might one day...

... Anyway, I don’t necessarily think of myself as a visual person, but some of the things I write involve quite a lot of visualisation, so, when I’m looking for reference or research I regularly hit ‘images’ instead of ‘websites’. Often that’s the quickest way to find the information I’m looking for, quite often the quickest way to the most useful websites. 

Shortcuts are good when you’re as busy as I usually am.

Here’s the thing, though.

It’s all about images.

It doesn’t matter what keywords I put into the search field, if I ask for images that’s what I get, and if I get images I will, invariably get boobs.

It’s a funny old world, isn’t it, when you just can’t avoid boobs?

The internet is a wonderful resource, but heaven save me from boobs.

to be fair, most of the boobs are pretty spectacular. They’re firm and round and pert, and all kinds of good. I would even go so far as to say that I envy some of these women their boobs, except that I rarely see their faces, and it’s hard to envy women that I don't get a chance to look in the eye. 

The bottom line is that I just can’t help thinking that when I type primitive weapons into the search field and hit return I should be pretty safe. I shouldn’t have to expect to be presented with images of breasts, however attractive they might be, however aesthetically pleasing the average red-blooded male might find them.

I’m not an average red-blooded male, I’m a woman writer looking for material on primitive weapons for crying out loud.

A Proper Tit buried among all the other Tits
on my Google Image Search
While I’m at it, I’m going to apologise to all my women readers for the use of the word boobs. A boob is, by definition, a foolish or stupid person or an embarrassing mistake. It is only, informally and ranking last in my dictionary, a woman’s breast. The word tit, by the same token is a type of bird or a noun in the phrase “tit for tat” before it is vulgar slang for a breast. Knocker is short for door knocker, is someone who criticises and, again in last place is vulgar slang for a woman’s breast. Wab, thank goodness does not appear in my dictionary at all. I’m not going to put the word into the search field in Google, but there’s a good bet I’d see an awful lot of breasts if I did, although I very much doubt many of them would be round or pert, given my understanding of the connotations of that particular word.

It strikes me that you might not all be familiar with the colloquialism that clearly is wabs. I urge you not to become familiar with it. In fact, I beg you Too late.

Like so many other things in this World we live in, the internet has become a male-centric place filled with male-centric imagery, and the most male-centric of all is the innocent, wonderful, life-giving breast.

If only more men would see them that way and, for that matter, more women too.

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